The Investigator
7th March 2016
24th March 2016
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Its 05h00 am and I am leaving New York with a heavy heart. I loved her. I may be leaving a beautiful city but I am headed for a magnificent place. Cayman Islands. Wow I can’t wait to get there. My taxi dude is driving at 150 miles on the highway to the airport so that he squeezes in an extra fair for the day. Or maybe he has been told to get me the fuck outta town.

Having walked hundreds of miles over the last few days I realize the need for a fitness monitor of some kind so with this in mind I have invented ( patent pending ) the Fit Bot. It’s very similar to a suppository and is fitted with a small watch battery. All you have to do is insert it into your bot hole and it will monitor your blood pressure, blood alcohol, liver function, steps taken, heart rate and has a built in siren that goes off should you be about to die. If you take the Gps option which also has a built in sim it will send a message for you to an ambulance, mortuary and your next of kin. You will obviously have to catch it when you pass your next stool but then just pop it back in and it will just continue working. I am looking for development partners so first in gets the first prototype up his or her botty.

Yay and here I am in Cayman Islands. Shit this place is the real island experience. The Roberts look happy to see me but it’s early. This place hums and their mates who all run restaurants have just wiped me out with fireballs. Shit. We are now playing beer pong which sadly I am shit at. I know I will improve but what a great evening. Thank you.



  1. Brooke says:

    Hi Mike 😉
    -Your Cayman T.I. pool buddy

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