17th May 2016
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23rd May 2016
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It could be a right of passage for all assassins. Their first hit.

Once this is achieved they may call themselves an assassin however the hit must have been conducted with the utmost cunning and silence or the assassin is not an assassin but just a dim witted asshole murderer.

An assassin must have style or his first hit does not count. He must wear black and preferably Ralph Lauren or he is then just an asshole murderer with no dress sense. If he buys his clothes from Walmart, well then he must just fuck off.

To be a true assassin one must believe in oneself. Narcissism is good. Arrogance and the ability to utilize all the tools of a metrosexual is a clear necessity for a successful assassin. He must utilize very sharp shaving blades and that hair removal cream some people use (not me) or his DNA will be all over the Assassin/crime scene which will enable the police to take the idiots DNA and build a life sized version of the stupid asshole assassin in a 3D printer.

He must use anti depressants to prevent his obvious mental instability from allowing him to use his bi polar, madness and psychotic tendencies to just murder everybody in sight because then he is not an assassin he is just another asshole terrorist.

Being fit which means being able to run for at least 5 minutes is obviously necessary. In South Africa 3 minutes is fine. Being invisible is key. If you are large and fat you cannot be an assassin and you must fuck off.

If you can do flicflacs and other interesting contortions and have the ability to devise cunning plans then you could well be an assassin if you complied with all the rules listed above.

If you feel that you may have the ability to be an assassin but cannot pass one or more of the rules above then your first hit should be yourself. Goodbye.

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