Tang Court 3 Michelin stars
23rd May 2016
25th May 2016
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Before I am rude and try to be funny about other people and cultures I would like to point out the following.

My expectations about China prior to my visit and the reality are so far removed that all I can feel is stupidity.

You see, Chinese people do not have to or need to speak English, they are doing just fine on their own. Their culture is theirs and I don’t have to live with it so it is theirs and theirs for me to respect. I have not been brainwashed.

China are not geared up for tourism but rather for their own life needs. We are visitors so we need to think laterally and find a way to consider another’s upbringing and values. This is one powerful Dragon that is wide awake

Traveling the world certainly opens your mind up as to diverse cultures and opportunities of all kinds and you are able to experience the most magnificent places and cities the world has to offer.

Guangzhou or Schenzen are not one of them. Nobody speaks English, not even the ATM machines. I had to guess the buttons and hope for the best or I wasn’t going to get any moola. If you are offered a free trip to Guangzhou with seven hot blondes, all expenses paid, don’t go rather stab yourself with a blunt object.

In fairness to the Chinese this city is at its core Chinese and everything is geared towards the population not a couple of western chops. if you want the tourist China look to Beijing or other magnificent places to explore.

The best way of getting from A to B in Guangzhou which takes half a lifetime is to hire a non English speaking driver who cannot read English either. Driving with this driver is like being on an amusement park ride without the amusement part, just the scary about to die at any moment part. GPS only thinks in Chinese which is a shitty fail. You would think UBER was on the ball but not. It’s in fucken Chinese. I shit you not. And don’t hire a car because then you will definitely die a horrible Chinese death.

The Chinese people work and they are not scared to do what needs to be done, it’s literally dog eat dog and having eaten some of the food I cannot rule out that it wasn’t old dog, not fresh dog which I am sure tastes better. Also I would imagine the quality of breed is important. Greyhounds would be like sucking on a skinny chicken bone whilst eating a bulldog would be more like munching on a fatty pork belly. There are no dogs here at all and I haven’t seen a cow either which is a little alarming and rather concerning.

There are a lot of very large high rise buildings here which may or may not house herds of cows because there are just too many of them to just house people. If they are farming in high rise buildings it’s quite clever because you don’t require an abattoir because you just push the cow off the roof and it sails down or hurtles, depending on whether they use parachutes or not, to the eager restaurateurs or consumers waiting below for fresh stock. The cost savings in transport alone is remarkable for this type of high rise farming. The Chinese are innovative, that’s for sure.

I found a Burger King so everything ends well. I love this place.


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