Tang Court 3 Michelin stars
23rd May 2016
27th May 2016
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Zombies are real. If you saw my kids you would get it. They are mutant funny looking monsters who choose to be thick without encouragement especially if you ask them to do something. If you wake them too early you just hear funny rude sounds. If they are hungry then you bloody well know it. They would mutilate you in a heartbeat for some cash. If you try and tell them what to wear they will rip your head off or slap you so hard that you will think Chuck Norris just gave you a roundhouse kick to the throat.

If they want something just give it to them or they will make your life so miserable you will kill yourself by holding your breath underwater just so you can’t hear them. Just try to play your own music in your car, forget it, you have no fucken chance.

My kids like being Zombies and they work hard to be successful at it. If they want to go out they just mumble and go out then tell you they spoke to you in detail about their plans and that you have Alzheimer’s and don’t listen. I just want to be clear. Zombies don’t speak properly and they are worse than narcissists. They talk such crap and would eat their friends if it meant getting their grubby little paws on some poor innocent boy.

When they are in friendship groups they are actually in Zombie hoards waiting to strike. They hide behind the facade of pretty little girls but they are vicious and very scary indeed. If ISIS considers invading they should think twice because my Zombies will destroy them in every conceivable way. The terrorists will ultimately leave crying and wishing they had not met my baby Zombies.

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  1. Lee says:

    Actually, I quite like your two zombies!

  2. Devon says:

    You do suddenly have Alzheimer’s when we talking about my plans I made to go to the club the week before..

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